"The Metamorphosis" (original German title: "Die Verwandlung") is a short novel by Franz Kafka, first published in 1915. It is often cited as one of the seminal works of fiction of the 20th century and is widely studied in colleges and universities across the western world. The story begins with a traveling salesman, Gregor Samsa, waking to find himself transformed into an insect.
I
One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found
himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. He lay on his
armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his brown
belly, slightly domed and divided by arches into stiff sections. The bedding
was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many
legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, waved about
helplessly as he looked.
"What's happened to me?" he thought. It wasn't a dream.
His room, a proper human room although a little too small, lay peacefully
between its four familiar walls. A collection of textile samples lay spread out
on the table - Samsa was a travelling salesman - and above it there hung a
picture that he had recently cut out of an illustrated magazine and housed in a
nice, gilded frame. It showed a lady fitted out with a fur hat and fur boa who
sat upright, raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm
towards the viewer.
Gregor then turned to look out the window at the dull weather.
Drops of rain could be heard hitting the pane, which made him feel quite sad.
"How about if I sleep a little bit longer and forget all this
nonsense", he thought, but that was something he was unable to do because
he was used to sleeping on his right, and in his present state couldn't get
into that position. However hard he threw himself onto his right, he always
rolled back to where he was. He must have tried it a hundred times, shut his
eyes so that he wouldn't have to look at the floundering legs, and only stopped
when he began to feel a mild, dull pain there that he had never felt before.
"Oh, God", he thought, "what a strenuous career it
is that I've chosen! Travelling day in and day out. Doing business like this
takes much more effort than doing your own business at home, and on top of that
there's the curse of travelling, worries about making train connections, bad
and irregular food, contact with different people all the time so that you can
never get to know anyone or become friendly with them. It can all go to
Hell!" He felt a slight itch up on his belly; pushed himself slowly up on
his back towards the headboard so that he could lift his head better; found
where the itch was, and saw that it was covered with lots of little white spots
which he didn't know what to make of; and when he tried to feel the place with
one of his legs he drew it quickly back because as soon as he touched it he was
overcome by a cold shudder.
He slid back into his former position. "Getting up early all
the time", he thought, "it makes you stupid. You've got to get enough
sleep. Other travelling salesmen live a life of luxury. For instance, whenever
I go back to the guest house during the morning to copy out the contract, these
gentlemen are always still sitting there eating their breakfasts. I ought to
just try that with my boss; I'd get kicked out on the spot. But who knows,
maybe that would be the best thing for me. If I didn't have my parents to think
about I'd have given in my notice a long time ago, I'd have gone up to the boss
and told him just what I think, tell him everything I would, let him know just
what I feel. He'd fall right off his desk! And it's a funny sort of business to
be sitting up there at your desk, talking down at your subordinates from up
there, especially when you have to go right up close because the boss is hard
of hearing. Well, there's still some hope; once I've got the money together to
pay off my parents' debt to him - another five or six years I suppose - that's
definitely what I'll do. That's when I'll make the big change. First of all
though, I've got to get up, my train leaves at five."
And he looked over at the alarm clock, ticking on the chest of
drawers. "God in Heaven!" he thought. It was half past six and the
hands were quietly moving forwards, it was even later than half past, more like
quarter to seven. Had the alarm clock not rung? He could see from the bed that
it had been set for four o'clock as it should have been; it certainly must have
rung. Yes, but was it possible to quietly sleep through that furniture-rattling
noise? True, he had not slept peacefully, but probably all the more deeply
because of that. What should he do now? The next train went at seven; if he
were to catch that he would have to rush like mad and the collection of samples
was still not packed, and he did not at all feel particularly fresh and lively.
And even if he did catch the train he would not avoid his boss's anger as the
office assistant would have been there to see the five o'clock train go, he
would have put in his report about Gregor's not being there a long time ago.
The office assistant was the boss's man, spineless, and with no understanding.
What about if he reported sick? But that would be extremely strained and
suspicious as in fifteen years of service Gregor had never once yet been ill.
His boss would certainly come round with the doctor from the medical insurance
company, accuse his parents of having a lazy son, and accept the doctor's
recommendation not to make any claim as the doctor believed that no-one was
ever ill but that many were workshy. And what's more, would he have been
entirely wrong in this case? Gregor did in fact, apart from excessive
sleepiness after sleeping for so long, feel completely well and even felt much
hungrier than usual.
He was still hurriedly thinking all this through, unable to decide
to get out of the bed, when the clock struck quarter to seven. There was a
cautious knock at the door near his head. "Gregor", somebody called -
it was his mother - "it's quarter to seven. Didn't you want to go
somewhere?" That gentle voice! Gregor was shocked when he heard his own
voice answering, it could hardly be recognised as the voice he had had before.
As if from deep inside him, there was a painful and uncontrollable squeaking
mixed in with it, the words could be made out at first but then there was a
sort of echo which made them unclear, leaving the hearer unsure whether he had
heard properly or not. Gregor had wanted to give a full answer and explain
everything, but in the circumstances contented himself with saying: "Yes,
mother, yes, thank-you, I'm getting up now." The change in Gregor's voice
probably could not be noticed outside through the wooden door, as his mother
was satisfied with this explanation and shuffled away. But this short
conversation made the other members of the family aware that Gregor, against
their expectations was still at home, and soon his father came knocking at one
of the side doors, gently, but with his fist. "Gregor, Gregor", he
called, "what's wrong?" And after a short while he called again with
a warning deepness in his voice: "Gregor! Gregor!" At the other side
door his sister came plaintively: "Gregor? Aren't you well? Do you need
anything?" Gregor answered to both sides: "I'm ready, now",
making an effort to remove all the strangeness from his voice by enunciating
very carefully and putting long pauses between each, individual word. His
father went back to his breakfast, but his sister whispered: "Gregor, open
the door, I beg of you." Gregor, however, had no thought of opening the
door, and instead congratulated himself for his cautious habit, acquired from
his travelling, of locking all doors at night even when he was at home.
The first thing he wanted to do was to get up in peace without
being disturbed, to get dressed, and most of all to have his breakfast. Only
then would he consider what to do next, as he was well aware that he would not
bring his thoughts to any sensible conclusions by lying in bed. He remembered
that he had often felt a slight pain in bed, perhaps caused by lying awkwardly,
but that had always turned out to be pure imagination and he wondered how his
imaginings would slowly resolve themselves today. He did not have the slightest
doubt that the change in his voice was nothing more than the first sign of a
serious cold, which was an occupational hazard for travelling salesmen.
It was a simple matter to throw off the covers; he only had to
blow himself up a little and they fell off by themselves. But it became
difficult after that, especially as he was so exceptionally broad. He would
have used his arms and his hands to push himself up; but instead of them he
only had all those little legs continuously moving in different directions, and
which he was moreover unable to control. If he wanted to bend one of them, then
that was the first one that would stretch itself out; and if he finally managed
to do what he wanted with that leg, all the others seemed to be set free and
would move about painfully. "This is something that can't be done in
bed", Gregor said to himself, "so don't keep trying to do it".
The first thing he wanted to do was get the lower part of his body
out of the bed, but he had never seen this lower part, and could not imagine what
it looked like; it turned out to be too hard to move; it went so slowly; and
finally, almost in a frenzy, when he carelessly shoved himself forwards with
all the force he could gather, he chose the wrong direction, hit hard against
the lower bedpost, and learned from the burning pain he felt that the lower
part of his body might well, at present, be the most sensitive.
So then he tried to get the top part of his body out of the bed
first, carefully turning his head to the side. This he managed quite easily,
and despite its breadth and its weight, the bulk of his body eventually
followed slowly in the direction of the head. But when he had at last got his
head out of the bed and into the fresh air it occurred to him that if he let
himself fall it would be a miracle if his head were not injured, so he became
afraid to carry on pushing himself forward the same way. And he could not knock
himself out now at any price; better to stay in bed than lose consciousness.
It took just as much effort to get back to where he had been
earlier, but when he lay there sighing, and was once more watching his legs as
they struggled against each other even harder than before, if that was
possible, he could think of no way of bringing peace and order to this chaos.
He told himself once more that it was not possible for him to stay in bed and
that the most sensible thing to do would be to get free of it in whatever way
he could at whatever sacrifice. At the same time, though, he did not forget to
remind himself that calm consideration was much better than rushing to
desperate conclusions. At times like this he would direct his eyes to the
window and look out as clearly as he could, but unfortunately, even the other
side of the narrow street was enveloped in morning fog and the view had little
confidence or cheer to offer him. "Seven o'clock, already", he said
to himself when the clock struck again, "seven o'clock, and there's still
a fog like this." And he lay there quietly a while longer, breathing
lightly as if he perhaps expected the total stillness to bring things back to
their real and natural state.
But then he said to himself: "Before it strikes quarter past
seven I'll definitely have to have got properly out of bed. And by then
somebody will have come round from work to ask what's happened to me as well,
as they open up at work before seven o'clock." And so he set himself to
the task of swinging the entire length of his body out of the bed all at the
same time. If he succeeded in falling out of bed in this way and kept his head
raised as he did so he could probably avoid injuring it. His back seemed to be
quite hard, and probably nothing would happen to it falling onto the carpet.
His main concern was for the loud noise he was bound to make, and which even
through all the doors would probably raise concern if not alarm. But it was
something that had to be risked.
When Gregor was already sticking half way out of the bed - the new
method was more of a game than an effort, all he had to do was rock back and
forth - it occurred to him how simple everything would be if somebody came to
help him. Two strong people - he had his father and the maid in mind - would
have been more than enough; they would only have to push their arms under the
dome of his back, peel him away from the bed, bend down with the load and then
be patient and careful as he swang over onto the floor, where, hopefully, the
little legs would find a use. Should he really call for help though, even apart
from the fact that all the doors were locked? Despite all the difficulty he was
in, he could not suppress a smile at this thought.
After a while he had already moved so far across that it would
have been hard for him to keep his balance if he rocked too hard. The time was
now ten past seven and he would have to make a final decision very soon. Then
there was a ring at the door of the flat. "That'll be someone from
work", he said to himself, and froze very still, although his little legs
only became all the more lively as they danced around. For a moment everything
remained quiet. "They're not opening the door", Gregor said to
himself, caught in some nonsensical hope. But then of course, the maid's firm
steps went to the door as ever and opened it. Gregor only needed to hear the
visitor's first words of greeting and he knew who it was - the chief clerk
himself. Why did Gregor have to be the only one condemned to work for a company
where they immediately became highly suspicious at the slightest shortcoming?
Were all employees, every one of them, louts, was there not one of them who was
faithful and devoted who would go so mad with pangs of conscience that he
couldn't get out of bed if he didn't spend at least a couple of hours in the
morning on company business? Was it really not enough to let one of the
trainees make enquiries - assuming enquiries were even necessary - did the
chief clerk have to come himself, and did they have to show the whole, innocent
family that this was so suspicious that only the chief clerk could be trusted
to have the wisdom to investigate it? And more because these thoughts had made
him upset than through any proper decision, he swang himself with all his force
out of the bed. There was a loud thump, but it wasn't really a loud noise. His
fall was softened a little by the carpet, and Gregor's back was also more
elastic than he had thought, which made the sound muffled and not too
noticeable. He had not held his head carefully enough, though, and hit it as he
fell; annoyed and in pain, he turned it and rubbed it against the carpet.
"Something's fallen down in there", said the chief clerk
in the room on the left. Gregor tried to imagine whether something of the sort
that had happened to him today could ever happen to the chief clerk too; you
had to concede that it was possible. But as if in gruff reply to this question,
the chief clerk's firm footsteps in his highly polished boots could now be
heard in the adjoining room. From the room on his right, Gregor's sister
whispered to him to let him know: "Gregor, the chief clerk is here."
"Yes, I know", said Gregor to himself; but without daring to raise
his voice loud enough for his sister to hear him.
"Gregor", said his father now from the room to his left,
"the chief clerk has come round and wants to know why you didn't leave on
the early train. We don't know what to say to him. And anyway, he wants to
speak to you personally. So please open up this door. I'm sure he'll be good
enough to forgive the untidiness of your room." Then the chief clerk
called "Good morning, Mr. Samsa". "He isn't well", said his
mother to the chief clerk, while his father continued to speak through the
door. "He isn't well, please believe me. Why else would Gregor have missed
a train! The lad only ever thinks about the business. It nearly makes me cross
the way he never goes out in the evenings; he's been in town for a week now but
stayed home every evening. He sits with us in the kitchen and just reads the
paper or studies train timetables. His idea of relaxation is working with his
fretsaw. He's made a little frame, for instance, it only took him two or three
evenings, you'll be amazed how nice it is; it's hanging up in his room; you'll
see it as soon as Gregor opens the door. Anyway, I'm glad you're here; we
wouldn't have been able to get Gregor to open the door by ourselves; he's so
stubborn; and I'm sure he isn't well, he said this morning that he is, but he
isn't." "I'll be there in a moment", said Gregor slowly and
thoughtfully, but without moving so that he would not miss any word of the
conversation. "Well I can't think of any other way of explaining it, Mrs.
Samsa", said the chief clerk, "I hope it's nothing serious. But on
the other hand, I must say that if we people in commerce ever become slightly
unwell then, fortunately or unfortunately as you like, we simply have to overcome
it because of business considerations." "Can the chief clerk come in
to see you now then?", asked his father impatiently, knocking at the door
again. "No", said Gregor. In the room on his right there followed a
painful silence; in the room on his left his sister began to cry.
So why did his sister not go and join the others? She had probably
only just got up and had not even begun to get dressed. And why was she crying?
Was it because he had not got up, and had not let the chief clerk in, because
he was in danger of losing his job and if that happened his boss would once
more pursue their parents with the same demands as before? There was no need to
worry about things like that yet. Gregor was still there and had not the
slightest intention of abandoning his family. For the time being he just lay
there on the carpet, and no-one who knew the condition he was in would
seriously have expected him to let the chief clerk in. It was only a minor
discourtesy, and a suitable excuse could easily be found for it later on, it
was not something for which Gregor could be sacked on the spot. And it seemed
to Gregor much more sensible to leave him now in peace instead of disturbing
him with talking at him and crying. But the others didn't know what was
happening, they were worried, that would excuse their behaviour.
The chief clerk now raised his voice, "Mr. Samsa", he
called to him, "what is wrong? You barricade yourself in your room, give
us no more than yes or no for an answer, you are causing serious and
unnecessary concern to your parents and you fail - and I mention this just by
the way - you fail to carry out your business duties in a way that is quite
unheard of. I'm speaking here on behalf of your parents and of your employer,
and really must request a clear and immediate explanation. I am astonished,
quite astonished. I thought I knew you as a calm and sensible person, and now
you suddenly seem to be showing off with peculiar whims. This morning, your
employer did suggest a possible reason for your failure to appear, it's true -
it had to do with the money that was recently entrusted to you - but I came
near to giving him my word of honour that that could not be the right
explanation. But now that I see your incomprehensible stubbornness I no longer
feel any wish whatsoever to intercede on your behalf. And nor is your position
all that secure. I had originally intended to say all this to you in private,
but since you cause me to waste my time here for no good reason I don't see why
your parents should not also learn of it. Your turnover has been very
unsatisfactory of late; I grant you that it's not the time of year to do
especially good business, we recognise that; but there simply is no time of
year to do no business at all, Mr. Samsa, we cannot allow there to be."
"But Sir", called Gregor, beside himself and forgetting
all else in the excitement, "I'll open up immediately, just a moment. I'm
slightly unwell, an attack of dizziness, I haven't been able to get up. I'm
still in bed now. I'm quite fresh again now, though. I'm just getting out of
bed. Just a moment. Be patient! It's not quite as easy as I'd thought. I'm
quite alright now, though. It's shocking, what can suddenly happen to a person!
I was quite alright last night, my parents know about it, perhaps better than
me, I had a small symptom of it last night already. They must have noticed it.
I don't know why I didn't let you know at work! But you always think you can
get over an illness without staying at home. Please, don't make my parents
suffer! There's no basis for any of the accusations you're making; nobody's
ever said a word to me about any of these things. Maybe you haven't read the
latest contracts I sent in. I'll set off with the eight o'clock train, as well,
these few hours of rest have given me strength. You don't need to wait, sir;
I'll be in the office soon after you, and please be so good as to tell that to
the boss and recommend me to him!"
And while Gregor gushed out these words, hardly knowing what he
was saying, he made his way over to the chest of drawers - this was easily
done, probably because of the practise he had already had in bed - where he now
tried to get himself upright. He really did want to open the door, really did
want to let them see him and to speak with the chief clerk; the others were
being so insistent, and he was curious to learn what they would say when they
caught sight of him. If they were shocked then it would no longer be Gregor's
responsibility and he could rest. If, however, they took everything calmly he
would still have no reason to be upset, and if he hurried he really could be at
the station for eight o'clock. The first few times he tried to climb up on the
smooth chest of drawers he just slid down again, but he finally gave himself
one last swing and stood there upright; the lower part of his body was in
serious pain but he no longer gave any attention to it. Now he let himself fall
against the back of a nearby chair and held tightly to the edges of it with his
little legs. By now he had also calmed down, and kept quiet so that he could
listen to what the chief clerk was saying.
"Did you understand a word of all that?" the chief clerk
asked his parents, "surely he's not trying to make fools of us".
"Oh, God!" called his mother, who was already in tears, "he
could be seriously ill and we're making him suffer. Grete! Grete!" she
then cried. "Mother?" his sister called from the other side. They
communicated across Gregor's room. "You'll have to go for the doctor
straight away. Gregor is ill. Quick, get the doctor. Did you hear the way
Gregor spoke just now?" "That was the voice of an animal", said
the chief clerk, with a calmness that was in contrast with his mother's
screams. "Anna! Anna!" his father called into the kitchen through the
entrance hall, clapping his hands, "get a locksmith here, now!" And
the two girls, their skirts swishing, immediately ran out through the hall,
wrenching open the front door of the flat as they went. How had his sister
managed to get dressed so quickly? There was no sound of the door banging shut
again; they must have left it open; people often do in homes where something
awful has happened.
Gregor, in contrast, had become much calmer. So they couldn't
understand his words any more, although they seemed clear enough to him,
clearer than before - perhaps his ears had become used to the sound. They had
realised, though, that there was something wrong with him, and were ready to
help. The first response to his situation had been confident and wise, and that
made him feel better. He felt that he had been drawn back in among people, and
from the doctor and the locksmith he expected great and surprising achievements
- although he did not really distinguish one from the other. Whatever was said
next would be crucial, so, in order to make his voice as clear as possible, he
coughed a little, but taking care to do this not too loudly as even this might
well sound different from the way that a human coughs and he was no longer sure
he could judge this for himself. Meanwhile, it had become very quiet in the
next room. Perhaps his parents were sat at the table whispering with the chief
clerk, or perhaps they were all pressed against the door and listening.
Gregor slowly pushed his way over to the door with the chair. Once
there he let go of it and threw himself onto the door, holding himself upright
against it using the adhesive on the tips of his legs. He rested there a little
while to recover from the effort involved and then set himself to the task of
turning the key in the lock with his mouth. He seemed, unfortunately, to have
no proper teeth - how was he, then, to grasp the key? - but the lack of teeth
was, of course, made up for with a very strong jaw; using the jaw, he really
was able to start the key turning, ignoring the fact that he must have been causing
some kind of damage as a brown fluid came from his mouth, flowed over the key
and dripped onto the floor. "Listen", said the chief clerk in the
next room, "he's turning the key." Gregor was greatly encouraged by
this; but they all should have been calling to him, his father and his mother
too: "Well done, Gregor", they should have cried, "keep at it,
keep hold of the lock!" And with the idea that they were all excitedly
following his efforts, he bit on the key with all his strength, paying no
attention to the pain he was causing himself. As the key turned round he turned
around the lock with it, only holding himself upright with his mouth, and hung
onto the key or pushed it down again with the whole weight of his body as
needed. The clear sound of the lock as it snapped back was Gregor's sign that
he could break his concentration, and as he regained his breath he said to
himself: "So, I didn't need the locksmith after all". Then he lay his
head on the handle of the door to open it completely.
Because he had to open the door in this way, it was already wide
open before he could be seen. He had first to slowly turn himself around one of
the double doors, and he had to do it very carefully if he did not want to fall
flat on his back before entering the room. He was still occupied with this
difficult movement, unable to pay attention to anything else, when he heard the
chief clerk exclaim a loud "Oh!", which sounded like the soughing of
the wind. Now he also saw him - he was the nearest to the door - his hand pressed
against his open mouth and slowly retreating as if driven by a steady and
invisible force. Gregor's mother, her hair still dishevelled from bed despite
the chief clerk's being there, looked at his father. Then she unfolded her
arms, took two steps forward towards Gregor and sank down onto the floor into
her skirts that spread themselves out around her as her head disappeared down
onto her breast. His father looked hostile, and clenched his fists as if
wanting to knock Gregor back into his room. Then he looked uncertainly round
the living room, covered his eyes with his hands and wept so that his powerful
chest shook.
So Gregor did not go into the room, but leant against the inside
of the other door which was still held bolted in place. In this way only half
of his body could be seen, along with his head above it which he leant over to
one side as he peered out at the others. Meanwhile the day had become much
lighter; part of the endless, grey-black building on the other side of the
street - which was a hospital - could be seen quite clearly with the austere
and regular line of windows piercing its façade; the rain was still falling,
now throwing down large, individual droplets which hit the ground one at a
time. The washing up from breakfast lay on the table; there was so much of it
because, for Gregor's father, breakfast was the most important meal of the day
and he would stretch it out for several hours as he sat reading a number of
different newspapers. On the wall exactly opposite there was photograph of
Gregor when he was a lieutenant in the army, his sword in his hand and a
carefree smile on his face as he called forth respect for his uniform and
bearing. The door to the entrance hall was open and as the front door of the
flat was also open he could see onto the landing and the stairs where they
began their way down below.
"Now, then", said Gregor, well aware that he was the
only one to have kept calm, "I'll get dressed straight away now, pack up
my samples and set off. Will you please just let me leave? You can see",
he said to the chief clerk, "that I'm not stubborn and I like to do my
job; being a commercial traveller is arduous but without travelling I couldn't
earn my living. So where are you going, in to the office? Yes? Will you report
everything accurately, then? It's quite possible for someone to be temporarily
unable to work, but that's just the right time to remember what's been achieved
in the past and consider that later on, once the difficulty has been removed,
he will certainly work with all the more diligence and concentration. You're
well aware that I'm seriously in debt to our employer as well as having to look
after my parents and my sister, so that I'm trapped in a difficult situation,
but I will work my way out of it again. Please don't make things any harder for
me than they are already, and don't take sides against me at the office. I know
that nobody likes the travellers. They think we earn an enormous wage as well
as having a soft time of it. That's just prejudice but they have no particular
reason to think better of it. But you, sir, you have a better overview than the
rest of the staff, in fact, if I can say this in confidence, a better overview
than the boss himself - it's very easy for a businessman like him to make
mistakes about his employees and judge them more harshly than he should. And
you're also well aware that we travellers spend almost the whole year away from
the office, so that we can very easily fall victim to gossip and chance and
groundless complaints, and it's almost impossible to defend yourself from that
sort of thing, we don't usually even hear about them, or if at all it's when we
arrive back home exhausted from a trip, and that's when we feel the harmful
effects of what's been going on without even knowing what caused them. Please,
don't go away, at least first say something to show that you grant that I'm at
least partly right!"
But the chief clerk had turned away as soon as Gregor had started
to speak, and, with protruding lips, only stared back at him over his trembling
shoulders as he left. He did not keep still for a moment while Gregor was
speaking, but moved steadily towards the door without taking his eyes off him.
He moved very gradually, as if there had been some secret prohibition on
leaving the room. It was only when he had reached the entrance hall that he
made a sudden movement, drew his foot from the living room, and rushed forward
in a panic. In the hall, he stretched his right hand far out towards the
stairway as if out there, there were some supernatural force waiting to save
him.
Gregor realised that it was out of the question to let the chief
clerk go away in this mood if his position in the firm was not to be put into
extreme danger. That was something his parents did not understand very well;
over the years, they had become convinced that this job would provide for
Gregor for his entire life, and besides, they had so much to worry about at
present that they had lost sight of any thought for the future. Gregor, though,
did think about the future. The chief clerk had to be held back, calmed down,
convinced and finally won over; the future of Gregor and his family depended on
it! If only his sister were here! She was clever; she was already in tears
while Gregor was still lying peacefully on his back. And the chief clerk was a
lover of women, surely she could persuade him; she would close the front door
in the entrance hall and talk him out of his shocked state. But his sister was
not there, Gregor would have to do the job himself. And without considering
that he still was not familiar with how well he could move about in his present
state, or that his speech still might not - or probably would not - be
understood, he let go of the door; pushed himself through the opening; tried to
reach the chief clerk on the landing who, ridiculously, was holding on to the
banister with both hands; but Gregor fell immediately over and, with a little
scream as he sought something to hold onto, landed on his numerous little legs.
Hardly had that happened than, for the first time that day, he began to feel
alright with his body; the little legs had the solid ground under them; to his
pleasure, they did exactly as he told them; they were even making the effort to
carry him where he wanted to go; and he was soon believing that all his sorrows
would soon be finally at an end. He held back the urge to move but swayed from
side to side as he crouched there on the floor. His mother was not far away in
front of him and seemed, at first, quite engrossed in herself, but then she
suddenly jumped up with her arms outstretched and her fingers spread shouting:
"Help, for pity's sake, Help!" The way she held her head suggested
she wanted to see Gregor better, but the unthinking way she was hurrying
backwards showed that she did not; she had forgotten that the table was behind
her with all the breakfast things on it; when she reached the table she sat quickly
down on it without knowing what she was doing; without even seeming to notice
that the coffee pot had been knocked over and a gush of coffee was pouring down
onto the carpet.
"Mother, mother", said Gregor gently, looking up at her.
He had completely forgotten the chief clerk for the moment, but could not help
himself snapping in the air with his jaws at the sight of the flow of coffee.
That set his mother screaming anew, she fled from the table and into the arms
of his father as he rushed towards her. Gregor, though, had no time to spare
for his parents now; the chief clerk had already reached the stairs; with his
chin on the banister, he looked back for the last time. Gregor made a run for
him; he wanted to be sure of reaching him; the chief clerk must have expected
something, as he leapt down several steps at once and disappeared; his shouts
resounding all around the staircase. The flight of the chief clerk seemed,
unfortunately, to put Gregor's father into a panic as well. Until then he had
been relatively self controlled, but now, instead of running after the chief
clerk himself, or at least not impeding Gregor as he ran after him, Gregor's
father seized the chief clerk's stick in his right hand (the chief clerk had
left it behind on a chair, along with his hat and overcoat), picked up a large
newspaper from the table with his left, and used them to drive Gregor back into
his room, stamping his foot at him as he went. Gregor's appeals to his father
were of no help, his appeals were simply not understood, however much he humbly
turned his head his father merely stamped his foot all the harder. Across the
room, despite the chilly weather, Gregor's mother had pulled open a window,
leant far out of it and pressed her hands to her face. A strong draught of air
flew in from the street towards the stairway, the curtains flew up, the
newspapers on the table fluttered and some of them were blown onto the floor.
Nothing would stop Gregor's father as he drove him back, making hissing noises
at him like a wild man. Gregor had never had any practice in moving backwards
and was only able to go very slowly. If Gregor had only been allowed to turn
round he would have been back in his room straight away, but he was afraid that
if he took the time to do that his father would become impatient, and there was
the threat of a lethal blow to his back or head from the stick in his father's
hand any moment. Eventually, though, Gregor realised that he had no choice as
he saw, to his disgust, that he was quite incapable of going backwards in a
straight line; so he began, as quickly as possible and with frequent anxious
glances at his father, to turn himself round. It went very slowly, but perhaps
his father was able to see his good intentions as he did nothing to hinder him,
in fact now and then he used the tip of his stick to give directions from a
distance as to which way to turn. If only his father would stop that unbearable
hissing! It was making Gregor quite confused. When he had nearly finished
turning round, still listening to that hissing, he made a mistake and turned
himself back a little the way he had just come. He was pleased when he finally
had his head in front of the doorway, but then saw that it was too narrow, and
his body was too broad to get through it without further difficulty. In his
present mood, it obviously did not occur to his father to open the other of the
double doors so that Gregor would have enough space to get through. He was
merely fixed on the idea that Gregor should be got back into his room as quickly
as possible. Nor would he ever have allowed Gregor the time to get himself
upright as preparation for getting through the doorway. What he did, making
more noise than ever, was to drive Gregor forwards all the harder as if there
had been nothing in the way; it sounded to Gregor as if there was now more than
one father behind him; it was not a pleasant experience, and Gregor pushed
himself into the doorway without regard for what might happen. One side of his
body lifted itself, he lay at an angle in the doorway, one flank scraped on the
white door and was painfully injured, leaving vile brown flecks on it, soon he
was stuck fast and would not have been able to move at all by himself, the
little legs along one side hung quivering in the air while those on the other
side were pressed painfully against the ground. Then his father gave him a
hefty shove from behind which released him from where he was held and sent him
flying, and heavily bleeding, deep into his room. The door was slammed shut
with the stick, then, finally, all was quiet.
II
It was not until it was getting dark that evening that Gregor
awoke from his deep and coma-like sleep. He would have woken soon afterwards
anyway even if he hadn't been disturbed, as he had had enough sleep and felt
fully rested. But he had the impression that some hurried steps and the sound
of the door leading into the front room being carefully shut had woken him. The
light from the electric street lamps shone palely here and there onto the
ceiling and tops of the furniture, but down below, where Gregor was, it was
dark. He pushed himself over to the door, feeling his way clumsily with his
antennae - of which he was now beginning to learn the value - in order to see
what had been happening there. The whole of his left side seemed like one,
painfully stretched scar, and he limped badly on his two rows of legs. One of
the legs had been badly injured in the events of that morning - it was nearly a
miracle that only one of them had been - and dragged along lifelessly.
It was only when he had reached the door that he realised what it
actually was that had drawn him over to it; it was the smell of something to
eat. By the door there was a dish filled with sweetened milk with little pieces
of white bread floating in it. He was so pleased he almost laughed, as he was
even hungrier than he had been that morning, and immediately dipped his head
into the milk, nearly covering his eyes with it. But he soon drew his head back
again in disappointment; not only did the pain in his tender left side make it
difficult to eat the food - he was only able to eat if his whole body worked
together as a snuffling whole - but the milk did not taste at all nice. Milk
like this was normally his favourite drink, and his sister had certainly left
it there for him because of that, but he turned, almost against his own will,
away from the dish and crawled back into the centre of the room.
Through the crack in the door, Gregor could see that the gas had
been lit in the living room. His father at this time would normally be sat with
his evening paper, reading it out in a loud voice to Gregor's mother, and
sometimes to his sister, but there was now not a sound to be heard. Gregor's
sister would often write and tell him about this reading, but maybe his father
had lost the habit in recent times. It was so quiet all around too, even though
there must have been somebody in the flat. "What a quiet life it is the
family lead", said Gregor to himself, and, gazing into the darkness, felt
a great pride that he was able to provide a life like that in such a nice home
for his sister and parents. But what now, if all this peace and wealth and
comfort should come to a horrible and frightening end? That was something that
Gregor did not want to think about too much, so he started to move about,
crawling up and down the room.
Once during that long evening, the door on one side of the room
was opened very slightly and hurriedly closed again; later on the door on the
other side did the same; it seemed that someone needed to enter the room but
thought better of it. Gregor went and waited immediately by the door, resolved
either to bring the timorous visitor into the room in some way or at least to
find out who it was; but the door was opened no more that night and Gregor
waited in vain. The previous morning while the doors were locked everyone had
wanted to get in there to him, but now, now that he had opened up one of the
doors and the other had clearly been unlocked some time during the day, no-one
came, and the keys were in the other sides.
It was not until late at night that the gaslight in the living
room was put out, and now it was easy to see that his parents and sister had
stayed awake all that time, as they all could be distinctly heard as they went
away together on tip-toe. It was clear that no-one would come into Gregor's
room any more until morning; that gave him plenty of time to think undisturbed
about how he would have to re-arrange his life. For some reason, the tall,
empty room where he was forced to remain made him feel uneasy as he lay there
flat on the floor, even though he had been living in it for five years. Hardly
aware of what he was doing other than a slight feeling of shame, he hurried
under the couch. It pressed down on his back a little, and he was no longer able
to lift his head, but he nonetheless felt immediately at ease and his only
regret was that his body was too broad to get it all underneath.
He spent the whole night there. Some of the time he passed in a
light sleep, although he frequently woke from it in alarm because of his
hunger, and some of the time was spent in worries and vague hopes which,
however, always led to the same conclusion: for the time being he must remain
calm, he must show patience and the greatest consideration so that his family could
bear the unpleasantness that he, in his present condition, was forced to impose
on them.
Gregor soon had the opportunity to test the strength of his
decisions, as early the next morning, almost before the night had ended, his
sister, nearly fully dressed, opened the door from the front room and looked
anxiously in. She did not see him straight away, but when she did notice him
under the couch - he had to be somewhere, for God's sake, he couldn't have
flown away - she was so shocked that she lost control of herself and slammed
the door shut again from outside. But she seemed to regret her behaviour, as
she opened the door again straight away and came in on tip-toe as if entering
the room of someone seriously ill or even of a stranger. Gregor had pushed his
head forward, right to the edge of the couch, and watched her. Would she notice
that he had left the milk as it was, realise that it was not from any lack of
hunger and bring him in some other food that was more suitable? If she didn't
do it herself he would rather go hungry than draw her attention to it, although
he did feel a terrible urge to rush forward from under the couch, throw himself
at his sister's feet and beg her for something good to eat. However, his sister
noticed the full dish immediately and looked at it and the few drops of milk
splashed around it with some surprise. She immediately picked it up - using a
rag, not her bare hands - and carried it out. Gregor was extremely curious as
to what she would bring in its place, imagining the wildest possibilities, but
he never could have guessed what his sister, in her goodness, actually did
bring. In order to test his taste, she brought him a whole selection of things,
all spread out on an old newspaper. There were old, half-rotten vegetables; bones
from the evening meal, covered in white sauce that had gone hard; a few raisins
and almonds; some cheese that Gregor had declared inedible two days before; a
dry roll and some bread spread with butter and salt. As well as all that she
had poured some water into the dish, which had probably been permanently set
aside for Gregor's use, and placed it beside them. Then, out of consideration
for Gregor's feelings, as she knew that he would not eat in front of her, she
hurried out again and even turned the key in the lock so that Gregor would know
he could make things as comfortable for himself as he liked. Gregor's little
legs whirred, at last he could eat. What's more, his injuries must already have
completely healed as he found no difficulty in moving. This amazed him, as more
than a month earlier he had cut his finger slightly with a knife, he thought of
how his finger had still hurt the day before yesterday. "Am I less
sensitive than I used to be, then?", he thought, and was already sucking
greedily at the cheese which had immediately, almost compellingly, attracted
him much more than the other foods on the newspaper. Quickly one after another,
his eyes watering with pleasure, he consumed the cheese, the vegetables and the
sauce; the fresh foods, on the other hand, he didn't like at all, and even
dragged the things he did want to eat a little way away from them because he
couldn't stand the smell. Long after he had finished eating and lay lethargic
in the same place, his sister slowly turned the key in the lock as a sign to
him that he should withdraw. He was immediately startled, although he had been
half asleep, and he hurried back under the couch. But he needed great
self-control to stay there even for the short time that his sister was in the
room, as eating so much food had rounded out his body a little and he could
hardly breathe in that narrow space. Half suffocating, he watched with bulging
eyes as his sister unselfconsciously took a broom and swept up the left-overs,
mixing them in with the food he had not even touched at all as if it could not
be used any more. She quickly dropped it all into a bin, closed it with its
wooden lid, and carried everything out. She had hardly turned her back before
Gregor came out again from under the couch and stretched himself.
This was how Gregor received his food each day now, once in the
morning while his parents and the maid were still asleep, and the second time
after everyone had eaten their meal at midday as his parents would sleep for a
little while then as well, and Gregor's sister would send the maid away on some
errand. Gregor's father and mother certainly did not want him to starve either,
but perhaps it would have been more than they could stand to have any more
experience of his feeding than being told about it, and perhaps his sister
wanted to spare them what distress she could as they were indeed suffering
enough.
It was impossible for Gregor to find out what they had told the
doctor and the locksmith that first morning to get them out of the flat. As
nobody could understand him, nobody, not even his sister, thought that he could
understand them, so he had to be content to hear his sister's sighs and appeals
to the saints as she moved about his room. It was only later, when she had
become a little more used to everything - there was, of course, no question of
her ever becoming fully used to the situation - that Gregor would sometimes
catch a friendly comment, or at least a comment that could be construed as
friendly. "He's enjoyed his dinner today", she might say when he had
diligently cleared away all the food left for him, or if he left most of it,
which slowly became more and more frequent, she would often say, sadly,
"now everything's just been left there again".
Although Gregor wasn't able to hear any news directly he did
listen to much of what was said in the next rooms, and whenever he heard anyone
speaking he would scurry straight to the appropriate door and press his whole
body against it. There was seldom any conversation, especially at first, that
was not about him in some way, even if only in secret. For two whole days, all
the talk at every mealtime was about what they should do now; but even between
meals they spoke about the same subject as there were always at least two
members of the family at home - nobody wanted to be at home by themselves and
it was out of the question to leave the flat entirely empty. And on the very
first day the maid had fallen to her knees and begged Gregor's mother to let
her go without delay. It was not very clear how much she knew of what had
happened but she left within a quarter of an hour, tearfully thanking Gregor's
mother for her dismissal as if she had done her an enormous service. She even
swore emphatically not to tell anyone the slightest about what had happened, even
though no-one had asked that of her.
Now Gregor's sister also had to help his mother with the cooking;
although that was not so much bother as no-one ate very much. Gregor often
heard how one of them would unsuccessfully urge another to eat, and receive no
more answer than "no thanks, I've had enough" or something similar.
No-one drank very much either. His sister would sometimes ask his father
whether he would like a beer, hoping for the chance to go and fetch it herself.
When his father then said nothing she would add, so that he would not feel
selfish, that she could send the housekeeper for it, but then his father would
close the matter with a big, loud "No", and no more would be said.
Even before the first day had come to an end, his father had explained
to Gregor's mother and sister what their finances and prospects were. Now and
then he stood up from the table and took some receipt or document from the
little cash box he had saved from his business when it had collapsed five years
earlier. Gregor heard how he opened the complicated lock and then closed it
again after he had taken the item he wanted. What he heard his father say was
some of the first good news that Gregor heard since he had first been
incarcerated in his room. He had thought that nothing at all remained from his
father's business, at least he had never told him anything different, and
Gregor had never asked him about it anyway. Their business misfortune had
reduced the family to a state of total despair, and Gregor's only concern at that
time had been to arrange things so that they could all forget about it as
quickly as possible. So then he started working especially hard, with a fiery
vigour that raised him from a junior salesman to a travelling representative
almost overnight, bringing with it the chance to earn money in quite different
ways. Gregor converted his success at work straight into cash that he could lay
on the table at home for the benefit of his astonished and delighted family.
They had been good times and they had never come again, at least not with the
same splendour, even though Gregor had later earned so much that he was in a
position to bear the costs of the whole family, and did bear them. They had
even got used to it, both Gregor and the family, they took the money with
gratitude and he was glad to provide it, although there was no longer much warm
affection given in return. Gregor only remained close to his sister now. Unlike
him, she was very fond of music and a gifted and expressive violinist, it was
his secret plan to send her to the conservatory next year even though it would
cause great expense that would have to be made up for in some other way. During
Gregor's short periods in town, conversation with his sister would often turn
to the conservatory but it was only ever mentioned as a lovely dream that could
never be realised. Their parents did not like to hear this innocent talk, but
Gregor thought about it quite hard and decided he would let them know what he
planned with a grand announcement of it on Christmas day.
That was the sort of totally pointless thing that went through his
mind in his present state, pressed upright against the door and listening.
There were times when he simply became too tired to continue listening, when
his head would fall wearily against the door and he would pull it up again with
a start, as even the slightest noise he caused would be heard next door and
they would all go silent. "What's that he's doing now", his father
would say after a while, clearly having gone over to the door, and only then
would the interrupted conversation slowly be taken up again.
When explaining things, his father repeated himself several times,
partly because it was a long time since he had been occupied with these matters
himself and partly because Gregor's mother did not understand everything the
first time. From these repeated explanations Gregor learned, to his pleasure,
that despite all their misfortunes there was still some money available from
the old days. It was not a lot, but it had not been touched in the meantime and
some interest had accumulated. Besides that, they had not been using up all the
money that Gregor had been bringing home every month, keeping only a little for
himself, so that that, too, had been accumulating. Behind the door, Gregor
nodded with enthusiasm in his pleasure at this unexpected thrift and caution.
He could actually have used this surplus money to reduce his father's debt to
his boss, and the day when he could have freed himself from that job would have
come much closer, but now it was certainly better the way his father had done
things.
This money, however, was certainly not enough to enable the family
to live off the interest; it was enough to maintain them for, perhaps, one or
two years, no more. That's to say, it was money that should not really be
touched but set aside for emergencies; money to live on had to be earned. His
father was healthy but old, and lacking in self confidence. During the five
years that he had not been working - the first holiday in a life that had been
full of strain and no success - he had put on a lot of weight and become very
slow and clumsy. Would Gregor's elderly mother now have to go and earn money?
She suffered from asthma and it was a strain for her just to move about the
home, every other day would be spent struggling for breath on the sofa by the
open window. Would his sister have to go and earn money? She was still a child
of seventeen, her life up till then had been very enviable, consisting of
wearing nice clothes, sleeping late, helping out in the business, joining in
with a few modest pleasures and most of all playing the violin. Whenever they
began to talk of the need to earn money, Gregor would always first let go of
the door and then throw himself onto the cool, leather sofa next to it, as he
became quite hot with shame and regret.
He would often lie there the whole night through, not sleeping a
wink but scratching at the leather for hours on end. Or he might go to all the
effort of pushing a chair to the window, climbing up onto the sill and, propped
up in the chair, leaning on the window to stare out of it. He had used to feel
a great sense of freedom from doing this, but doing it now was obviously
something more remembered than experienced, as what he actually saw in this way
was becoming less distinct every day, even things that were quite near; he had
used to curse the ever-present view of the hospital across the street, but now
he could not see it at all, and if he had not known that he lived in
Charlottenstrasse, which was a quiet street despite being in the middle of the
city, he could have thought that he was looking out the window at a barren
waste where the grey sky and the grey earth mingled inseparably. His observant
sister only needed to notice the chair twice before she would always push it
back to its exact position by the window after she had tidied up the room, and
even left the inner pane of the window open from then on.
If Gregor had only been able to speak to his sister and thank her
for all that she had to do for him it would have been easier for him to bear
it; but as it was it caused him pain. His sister, naturally, tried as far as
possible to pretend there was nothing burdensome about it, and the longer it
went on, of course, the better she was able to do so, but as time went by
Gregor was also able to see through it all so much better. It had even become
very unpleasant for him, now, whenever she entered the room. No sooner had she
come in than she would quickly close the door as a precaution so that no-one would
have to suffer the view into Gregor's room, then she would go straight to the
window and pull it hurriedly open almost as if she were suffocating. Even if it
was cold, she would stay at the window breathing deeply for a little while. She
would alarm Gregor twice a day with this running about and noise making; he
would stay under the couch shivering the whole while, knowing full well that
she would certainly have liked to spare him this ordeal, but it was impossible
for her to be in the same room with him with the windows closed.
One day, about a month after Gregor's transformation when his
sister no longer had any particular reason to be shocked at his appearance, she
came into the room a little earlier than usual and found him still staring out
the window, motionless, and just where he would be most horrible. In itself,
his sister's not coming into the room would have been no surprise for Gregor as
it would have been difficult for her to immediately open the window while he
was still there, but not only did she not come in, she went straight back and
closed the door behind her, a stranger would have thought he had threatened her
and tried to bite her. Gregor went straight to hide himself under the couch, of
course, but he had to wait until midday before his sister came back and she
seemed much more uneasy than usual. It made him realise that she still found
his appearance unbearable and would continue to do so, she probably even had to
overcome the urge to flee when she saw the little bit of him that protruded
from under the couch. One day, in order to spare her even this sight, he spent
four hours carrying the bedsheet over to the couch on his back and arranged it
so that he was completely covered and his sister would not be able to see him
even if she bent down. If she did not think this sheet was necessary then all
she had to do was take it off again, as it was clear enough that it was no
pleasure for Gregor to cut himself off so completely. She left the sheet where
it was. Gregor even thought he glimpsed a look of gratitude one time when he
carefully looked out from under the sheet to see how his sister liked the new
arrangement.
For the first fourteen days, Gregor's parents could not bring
themselves to come into the room to see him. He would often hear them say how
they appreciated all the new work his sister was doing even though, before,
they had seen her as a girl who was somewhat useless and frequently been
annoyed with her. But now the two of them, father and mother, would often both
wait outside the door of Gregor's room while his sister tidied up in there, and
as soon as she went out again she would have to tell them exactly how
everything looked, what Gregor had eaten, how he had behaved this time and
whether, perhaps, any slight improvement could be seen. His mother also wanted
to go in and visit Gregor relatively soon but his father and sister at first
persuaded her against it. Gregor listened very closely to all this, and
approved fully. Later, though, she had to be held back by force, which made her
call out: "Let me go and see Gregor, he is my unfortunate son! Can't you
understand I have to see him?", and Gregor would think to himself that
maybe it would be better if his mother came in, not every day of course, but
one day a week, perhaps; she could understand everything much better than his
sister who, for all her courage, was still just a child after all, and really
might not have had an adult's appreciation of the burdensome job she had taken
on.
Gregor's wish to see his mother was soon realised. Out of
consideration for his parents, Gregor wanted to avoid being seen at the window
during the day, the few square meters of the floor did not give him much room
to crawl about, it was hard to just lie quietly through the night, his food
soon stopped giving him any pleasure at all, and so, to entertain himself, he
got into the habit of crawling up and down the walls and ceiling. He was
especially fond of hanging from the ceiling; it was quite different from lying
on the floor; he could breathe more freely; his body had a light swing to it;
and up there, relaxed and almost happy, it might happen that he would surprise
even himself by letting go of the ceiling and landing on the floor with a
crash. But now, of course, he had far better control of his body than before
and, even with a fall as great as that, caused himself no damage. Very soon his
sister noticed Gregor's new way of entertaining himself - he had, after all,
left traces of the adhesive from his feet as he crawled about - and got it into
her head to make it as easy as possible for him by removing the furniture that
got in his way, especially the chest of drawers and the desk. Now, this was not
something that she would be able to do by herself; she did not dare to ask for
help from her father; the sixteen year old maid had carried on bravely since
the cook had left but she certainly would not have helped in this, she had even
asked to be allowed to keep the kitchen locked at all times and never to have
to open the door unless it was especially important; so his sister had no
choice but to choose some time when Gregor's father was not there and fetch his
mother to help her. As she approached the room, Gregor could hear his mother
express her joy, but once at the door she went silent. First, of course, his
sister came in and looked round to see that everything in the room was alright;
and only then did she let her mother enter. Gregor had hurriedly pulled the
sheet down lower over the couch and put more folds into it so that everything
really looked as if it had just been thrown down by chance. Gregor also
refrained, this time, from spying out from under the sheet; he gave up the
chance to see his mother until later and was simply glad that she had come.
"You can come in, he can't be seen", said his sister, obviously
leading her in by the hand. The old chest of drawers was too heavy for a pair
of feeble women to be heaving about, but Gregor listened as they pushed it from
its place, his sister always taking on the heaviest part of the work for
herself and ignoring her mother's warnings that she would strain herself. This
lasted a very long time. After labouring at it for fifteen minutes or more his
mother said it would be better to leave the chest where it was, for one thing
it was too heavy for them to get the job finished before Gregor's father got
home and leaving it in the middle of the room it would be in his way even more,
and for another thing it wasn't even sure that taking the furniture away would
really be any help to him. She thought just the opposite; the sight of the bare
walls saddened her right to her heart; and why wouldn't Gregor feel the same
way about it, he'd been used to this furniture in his room for a long time and
it would make him feel abandoned to be in an empty room like that. Then,
quietly, almost whispering as if wanting Gregor (whose whereabouts she did not
know) to hear not even the tone of her voice, as she was convinced that he did
not understand her words, she added "and by taking the furniture away,
won't it seem like we're showing that we've given up all hope of improvement
and we're abandoning him to cope for himself? I think it'd be best to leave the
room exactly the way it was before so that when Gregor comes back to us again
he'll find everything unchanged and he'll be able to forget the time in between
all the easier".
Hearing these words from his mother made Gregor realise that the
lack of any direct human communication, along with the monotonous life led by
the family during these two months, must have made him confused - he could
think of no other way of explaining to himself why he had seriously wanted his
room emptied out. Had he really wanted to transform his room into a cave, a
warm room fitted out with the nice furniture he had inherited? That would have
let him crawl around unimpeded in any direction, but it would also have let him
quickly forget his past when he had still been human. He had come very close to
forgetting, and it had only been the voice of his mother, unheard for so long,
that had shaken him out of it. Nothing should be removed; everything had to
stay; he could not do without the good influence the furniture had on his
condition; and if the furniture made it difficult for him to crawl about
mindlessly that was not a loss but a great advantage.
His sister, unfortunately, did not agree; she had become used to
the idea, not without reason, that she was Gregor's spokesman to his parents
about the things that concerned him. This meant that his mother's advice now
was sufficient reason for her to insist on removing not only the chest of
drawers and the desk, as she had thought at first, but all the furniture apart
from the all-important couch. It was more than childish perversity, of course,
or the unexpected confidence she had recently acquired, that made her insist;
she had indeed noticed that Gregor needed a lot of room to crawl about in,
whereas the furniture, as far as anyone could see, was of no use to him at all.
Girls of that age, though, do become enthusiastic about things and feel they
must get their way whenever they can. Perhaps this was what tempted Grete to
make Gregor's situation seem even more shocking than it was so that she could
do even more for him. Grete would probably be the only one who would dare enter
a room dominated by Gregor crawling about the bare walls by himself.
So she refused to let her mother dissuade her. Gregor's mother
already looked uneasy in his room, she soon stopped speaking and helped
Gregor's sister to get the chest of drawers out with what strength she had. The
chest of drawers was something that Gregor could do without if he had to, but
the writing desk had to stay. Hardly had the two women pushed the chest of
drawers, groaning, out of the room than Gregor poked his head out from under
the couch to see what he could do about it. He meant to be as careful and
considerate as he could, but, unfortunately, it was his mother who came back
first while Grete in the next room had her arms round the chest, pushing and
pulling at it from side to side by herself without, of course, moving it an
inch. His mother was not used to the sight of Gregor, he might have made her
ill, so Gregor hurried backwards to the far end of the couch. In his
startlement, though, he was not able to prevent the sheet at its front from
moving a little. It was enough to attract his mother's attention. She stood
very still, remained there a moment, and then went back out to Grete.
Gregor kept trying to assure himself that nothing unusual was
happening, it was just a few pieces of furniture being moved after all, but he
soon had to admit that the women going to and fro, their little calls to each
other, the scraping of the furniture on the floor, all these things made him
feel as if he were being assailed from all sides. With his head and legs pulled
in against him and his body pressed to the floor, he was forced to admit to
himself that he could not stand all of this much longer. They were emptying his
room out; taking away everything that was dear to him; they had already taken
out the chest containing his fretsaw and other tools; now they threatened to
remove the writing desk with its place clearly worn into the floor, the desk
where he had done his homework as a business trainee, at high school, even
while he had been at infant school - he really could not wait any longer to see
whether the two women's intentions were good. He had nearly forgotten they were
there anyway, as they were now too tired to say anything while they worked and
he could only hear their feet as they stepped heavily on the floor.
So, while the women were leant against the desk in the other room
catching their breath, he sallied out, changed direction four times not knowing
what he should save first before his attention was suddenly caught by the
picture on the wall - which was already denuded of everything else that had
been on it - of the lady dressed in copious fur. He hurried up onto the picture
and pressed himself against its glass, it held him firmly and felt good on his
hot belly. This picture at least, now totally covered by Gregor, would
certainly be taken away by no-one. He turned his head to face the door into the
living room so that he could watch the women when they came back.
They had not allowed themselves a long rest and came back quite
soon; Grete had put her arm around her mother and was nearly carrying her.
"What shall we take now, then?", said Grete and looked around. Her
eyes met those of Gregor on the wall. Perhaps only because her mother was
there, she remained calm, bent her face to her so that she would not look round
and said, albeit hurriedly and with a tremor in her voice: "Come on, let's
go back in the living room for a while?" Gregor could see what Grete had
in mind, she wanted to take her mother somewhere safe and then chase him down
from the wall. Well, she could certainly try it! He sat unyielding on his
picture. He would rather jump at Grete's face.
But Grete's words had made her mother quite worried, she stepped
to one side, saw the enormous brown patch against the flowers of the wallpaper,
and before she even realised it was Gregor that she saw screamed: "Oh God,
oh God!" Arms outstretched, she fell onto the couch as if she had given up
everything and stayed there immobile. "Gregor!" shouted his sister,
glowering at him and shaking her fist. That was the first word she had spoken
to him directly since his transformation. She ran into the other room to fetch
some kind of smelling salts to bring her mother out of her faint; Gregor wanted
to help too - he could save his picture later, although he stuck fast to the
glass and had to pull himself off by force; then he, too, ran into the next
room as if he could advise his sister like in the old days; but he had to just
stand behind her doing nothing; she was looking into various bottles, he
startled her when she turned round; a bottle fell to the ground and broke; a
splinter cut Gregor's face, some kind of caustic medicine splashed all over
him; now, without delaying any longer, Grete took hold of all the bottles she
could and ran with them in to her mother; she slammed the door shut with her
foot. So now Gregor was shut out from his mother, who, because of him, might be
near to death; he could not open the door if he did not want to chase his
sister away, and she had to stay with his mother; there was nothing for him to
do but wait; and, oppressed with anxiety and self-reproach, he began to crawl
about, he crawled over everything, walls, furniture, ceiling, and finally in
his confusion as the whole room began to spin around him he fell down into the
middle of the dinner table.
He lay there for a while, numb and immobile, all around him it was
quiet, maybe that was a good sign. Then there was someone at the door. The maid,
of course, had locked herself in her kitchen so that Grete would have to go and
answer it. His father had arrived home. "What's happened?" were his
first words; Grete's appearance must have made everything clear to him. She
answered him with subdued voice, and openly pressed her face into his chest:
"Mother's fainted, but she's better now. Gregor got out." "Just
as I expected", said his father, "just as I always said, but you
women wouldn't listen, would you." It was clear to Gregor that Grete had
not said enough and that his father took it to mean that something bad had
happened, that he was responsible for some act of violence. That meant Gregor
would now have to try to calm his father, as he did not have the time to
explain things to him even if that had been possible. So he fled to the door of
his room and pressed himself against it so that his father, when he came in
from the hall, could see straight away that Gregor had the best intentions and
would go back into his room without delay, that it would not be necessary to
drive him back but that they had only to open the door and he would disappear.
His father, though, was not in the mood to notice subtleties like
that; "Ah!", he shouted as he came in, sounding as if he were both
angry and glad at the same time. Gregor drew his head back from the door and
lifted it towards his father. He really had not imagined his father the way he
stood there now; of late, with his new habit of crawling about, he had
neglected to pay attention to what was going on the rest of the flat the way he
had done before. He really ought to have expected things to have changed, but
still, still, was that really his father? The same tired man as used to be
laying there entombed in his bed when Gregor came back from his business trips,
who would receive him sitting in the armchair in his nightgown when he came
back in the evenings; who was hardly even able to stand up but, as a sign of
his pleasure, would just raise his arms and who, on the couple of times a year
when they went for a walk together on a Sunday or public holiday wrapped up
tightly in his overcoat between Gregor and his mother, would always labour his
way forward a little more slowly than them, who were already walking slowly for
his sake; who would place his stick down carefully and, if he wanted to say
something would invariably stop and gather his companions around him. He was
standing up straight enough now; dressed in a smart blue uniform with gold
buttons, the sort worn by the employees at the banking institute; above the
high, stiff collar of the coat his strong double-chin emerged; under the bushy
eyebrows, his piercing, dark eyes looked out fresh and alert; his normally
unkempt white hair was combed down painfully close to his scalp. He took his
cap, with its gold monogram from, probably, some bank, and threw it in an arc
right across the room onto the sofa, put his hands in his trouser pockets,
pushing back the bottom of his long uniform coat, and, with look of
determination, walked towards Gregor. He probably did not even know himself
what he had in mind, but nonetheless lifted his feet unusually high. Gregor was
amazed at the enormous size of the soles of his boots, but wasted no time with
that - he knew full well, right from the first day of his new life, that his
father thought it necessary to always be extremely strict with him. And so he
ran up to his father, stopped when his father stopped, scurried forwards again
when he moved, even slightly. In this way they went round the room several
times without anything decisive happening, without even giving the impression
of a chase as everything went so slowly. Gregor remained all this time on the
floor, largely because he feared his father might see it as especially
provoking if he fled onto the wall or ceiling. Whatever he did, Gregor had to
admit that he certainly would not be able to keep up this running about for
long, as for each step his father took he had to carry out countless movements.
He became noticeably short of breath, even in his earlier life his lungs had
not been very reliable. Now, as he lurched about in his efforts to muster all
the strength he could for running he could hardly keep his eyes open; his
thoughts became too slow for him to think of any other way of saving himself
than running; he almost forgot that the walls were there for him to use
although, here, they were concealed behind carefully carved furniture full of
notches and protrusions - then, right beside him, lightly tossed, something
flew down and rolled in front of him. It was an apple; then another one
immediately flew at him; Gregor froze in shock; there was no longer any point
in running as his father had decided to bombard him. He had filled his pockets
with fruit from the bowl on the sideboard and now, without even taking the time
for careful aim, threw one apple after another. These little, red apples rolled
about on the floor, knocking into each other as if they had electric motors. An
apple thrown without much force glanced against Gregor's back and slid off
without doing any harm. Another one however, immediately following it, hit
squarely and lodged in his back; Gregor wanted to drag himself away, as if he
could remove the surprising, the incredible pain by changing his position; but
he felt as if nailed to the spot and spread himself out, all his senses in
confusion. The last thing he saw was the door of his room being pulled open,
his sister was screaming, his mother ran out in front of her in her blouse (as
his sister had taken off some of her clothes after she had fainted to make it
easier for her to breathe), she ran to his father, her skirts unfastened and
sliding one after another to the ground, stumbling over the skirts she pushed
herself to his father, her arms around him, uniting herself with him totally -
now Gregor lost his ability to see anything - her hands behind his father's
head begging him to spare Gregor's life.
III
No-one dared to remove the apple lodged in Gregor's flesh, so it
remained there as a visible reminder of his injury. He had suffered it there
for more than a month, and his condition seemed serious enough to remind even
his father that Gregor, despite his current sad and revolting form, was a
family member who could not be treated as an enemy. On the contrary, as a
family there was a duty to swallow any revulsion for him and to be patient,
just to be patient.
Because of his injuries, Gregor had lost much of his mobility -
probably permanently. He had been reduced to the condition of an ancient
invalid and it took him long, long minutes to crawl across his room - crawling
over the ceiling was out of the question - but this deterioration in his
condition was fully (in his opinion) made up for by the door to the living room
being left open every evening. He got into the habit of closely watching it for
one or two hours before it was opened and then, lying in the darkness of his
room where he could not be seen from the living room, he could watch the family
in the light of the dinner table and listen to their conversation - with
everyone's permission, in a way, and thus quite differently from before.
They no longer held the lively conversations of earlier times, of
course, the ones that Gregor always thought about with longing when he was
tired and getting into the damp bed in some small hotel room. All of them were
usually very quiet nowadays. Soon after dinner, his father would go to sleep in
his chair; his mother and sister would urge each other to be quiet; his mother,
bent deeply under the lamp, would sew fancy underwear for a fashion shop; his
sister, who had taken a sales job, learned shorthand and French in the evenings
so that she might be able to get a better position later on. Sometimes his
father would wake up and say to Gregor's mother "you're doing so much
sewing again today!", as if he did not know that he had been dozing - and
then he would go back to sleep again while mother and sister would exchange a
tired grin.
With a kind of stubbornness, Gregor's father refused to take his
uniform off even at home; while his nightgown hung unused on its peg Gregor's
father would slumber where he was, fully dressed, as if always ready to serve
and expecting to hear the voice of his superior even here. The uniform had not
been new to start with, but as a result of this it slowly became even shabbier
despite the efforts of Gregor's mother and sister to look after it. Gregor
would often spend the whole evening looking at all the stains on this coat,
with its gold buttons always kept polished and shiny, while the old man in it
would sleep, highly uncomfortable but peaceful.
As soon as it struck ten, Gregor's mother would speak gently to
his father to wake him and try to persuade him to go to bed, as he couldn't
sleep properly where he was and he really had to get his sleep if he was to be
up at six to get to work. But since he had been in work he had become more
obstinate and would always insist on staying longer at the table, even though
he regularly fell asleep and it was then harder than ever to persuade him to
exchange the chair for his bed. Then, however much mother and sister would
importune him with little reproaches and warnings he would keep slowly shaking
his head for a quarter of an hour with his eyes closed and refusing to get up.
Gregor's mother would tug at his sleeve, whisper endearments into his ear, Gregor's
sister would leave her work to help her mother, but nothing would have any
effect on him. He would just sink deeper into his chair. Only when the two
women took him under the arms he would abruptly open his eyes, look at them one
after the other and say: "What a life! This is what peace I get in my old
age!" And supported by the two women he would lift himself up carefully as
if he were carrying the greatest load himself, let the women take him to the
door, send them off and carry on by himself while Gregor's mother would throw
down her needle and his sister her pen so that they could run after his father
and continue being of help to him.
Who, in this tired and overworked family, would have had time to
give more attention to Gregor than was absolutely necessary? The household
budget became even smaller; so now the maid was dismissed; an enormous,
thick-boned charwoman with white hair that flapped around her head came every
morning and evening to do the heaviest work; everything else was looked after
by Gregor's mother on top of the large amount of sewing work she did. Gregor
even learned, listening to the evening conversation about what price they had
hoped for, that several items of jewellery belonging to the family had been
sold, even though both mother and sister had been very fond of wearing them at
functions and celebrations. But the loudest complaint was that although the
flat was much too big for their present circumstances, they could not move out
of it, there was no imaginable way of transferring Gregor to the new address.
He could see quite well, though, that there were more reasons than
consideration for him that made it difficult for them to move, it would have
been quite easy to transport him in any suitable crate with a few air holes in
it; the main thing holding the family back from their decision to move was much
more to do with their total despair, and the thought that they had been struck
with a misfortune unlike anything experienced by anyone else they knew or were
related to. They carried out absolutely everything that the world expects from
poor people, Gregor's father brought bank employees their breakfast, his mother
sacrificed herself by washing clothes for strangers, his sister ran back and
forth behind her desk at the behest of the customers, but they just did not
have the strength to do any more. And the injury in Gregor's back began to hurt
as much as when it was new. After they had come back from taking his father to
bed Gregor's mother and sister would now leave their work where it was and sit
close together, cheek to cheek; his mother would point to Gregor's room and say
"Close that door, Grete", and then, when he was in the dark again,
they would sit in the next room and their tears would mingle, or they would simply
sit there staring dry-eyed at the table.
Gregor hardly slept at all, either night or day. Sometimes he
would think of taking over the family's affairs, just like before, the next
time the door was opened; he had long forgotten about his boss and the chief
clerk, but they would appear again in his thoughts, the salesmen and the
apprentices, that stupid teaboy, two or three friends from other businesses,
one of the chambermaids from a provincial hotel, a tender memory that appeared
and disappeared again, a cashier from a hat shop for whom his attention had
been serious but too slow, - all of them appeared to him, mixed together with
strangers and others he had forgotten, but instead of helping him and his
family they were all of them inaccessible, and he was glad when they
disappeared. Other times he was not at all in the mood to look after his
family, he was filled with simple rage about the lack of attention he was
shown, and although he could think of nothing he would have wanted, he made
plans of how he could get into the pantry where he could take all the things he
was entitled to, even if he was not hungry. Gregor's sister no longer thought
about how she could please him but would hurriedly push some food or other into
his room with her foot before she rushed out to work in the morning and at
midday, and in the evening she would sweep it away again with the broom,
indifferent as to whether it had been eaten or - more often than not - had been
left totally untouched. She still cleared up the room in the evening, but now
she could not have been any quicker about it. Smears of dirt were left on the
walls, here and there were little balls of dust and filth. At first, Gregor
went into one of the worst of these places when his sister arrived as a
reproach to her, but he could have stayed there for weeks without his sister
doing anything about it; she could see the dirt as well as he could but she had
simply decided to leave him to it. At the same time she became touchy in a way
that was quite new for her and which everyone in the family understood -
cleaning up Gregor's room was for her and her alone. Gregor's mother did once
thoroughly clean his room, and needed to use several bucketfuls of water to do
it - although that much dampness also made Gregor ill and he lay flat on the
couch, bitter and immobile. But his mother was to be punished still more for
what she had done, as hardly had his sister arrived home in the evening than
she noticed the change in Gregor's room and, highly aggrieved, ran back into
the living room where, despite her mothers raised and imploring hands, she
broke into convulsive tears. Her father, of course, was startled out of his
chair and the two parents looked on astonished and helpless; then they, too,
became agitated; Gregor's father, standing to the right of his mother, accused
her of not leaving the cleaning of Gregor's room to his sister; from her left,
Gregor's sister screamed at her that she was never to clean Gregor's room
again; while his mother tried to draw his father, who was beside himself with
anger, into the bedroom; his sister, quaking with tears, thumped on the table
with her small fists; and Gregor hissed in anger that no-one had even thought
of closing the door to save him the sight of this and all its noise.
Gregor's sister was exhausted from going out to work, and looking
after Gregor as she had done before was even more work for her, but even so his
mother ought certainly not to have taken her place. Gregor, on the other hand,
ought not to be neglected. Now, though, the charwoman was here. This elderly
widow, with a robust bone structure that made her able to withstand the hardest
of things in her long life, wasn't really repelled by Gregor. Just by chance
one day, rather than any real curiosity, she opened the door to Gregor's room
and found herself face to face with him. He was taken totally by surprise,
no-one was chasing him but he began to rush to and fro while she just stood
there in amazement with her hands crossed in front of her. From then on she
never failed to open the door slightly every evening and morning and look
briefly in on him. At first she would call to him as she did so with words that
she probably considered friendly, such as "come on then, you old
dung-beetle!", or "look at the old dung-beetle there!" Gregor never
responded to being spoken to in that way, but just remained where he was
without moving as if the door had never even been opened. If only they had told
this charwoman to clean up his room every day instead of letting her disturb
him for no reason whenever she felt like it! One day, early in the morning
while a heavy rain struck the windowpanes, perhaps indicating that spring was
coming, she began to speak to him in that way once again. Gregor was so
resentful of it that he started to move toward her, he was slow and infirm, but
it was like a kind of attack. Instead of being afraid, the charwoman just
lifted up one of the chairs from near the door and stood there with her mouth
open, clearly intending not to close her mouth until the chair in her hand had
been slammed down into Gregor's back. "Aren't you coming any closer,
then?", she asked when Gregor turned round again, and she calmly put the
chair back in the corner.
Gregor had almost entirely stopped eating. Only if he happened to
find himself next to the food that had been prepared for him he might take some
of it into his mouth to play with it, leave it there a few hours and then, more
often than not, spit it out again. At first he thought it was distress at the
state of his room that stopped him eating, but he had soon got used to the
changes made there. They had got into the habit of putting things into this
room that they had no room for anywhere else, and there were now many such
things as one of the rooms in the flat had been rented out to three gentlemen.
These earnest gentlemen - all three of them had full beards, as Gregor learned
peering through the crack in the door one day - were painfully insistent on
things' being tidy. This meant not only in their own room but, since they had
taken a room in this establishment, in the entire flat and especially in the
kitchen. Unnecessary clutter was something they could not tolerate, especially
if it was dirty. They had moreover brought most of their own furnishings and
equipment with them. For this reason, many things had become superfluous which,
although they could not be sold, the family did not wish to discard. All these
things found their way into Gregor's room. The dustbins from the kitchen found
their way in there too. The charwoman was always in a hurry, and anything she
couldn't use for the time being she would just chuck in there. He, fortunately,
would usually see no more than the object and the hand that held it. The woman
most likely meant to fetch the things back out again when she had time and the
opportunity, or to throw everything out in one go, but what actually happened
was that they were left where they landed when they had first been thrown
unless Gregor made his way through the junk and moved it somewhere else. At
first he moved it because, with no other room free where he could crawl about,
he was forced to, but later on he came to enjoy it although moving about in
that the way left him sad and tired to death and he would remain immobile for
hours afterwards.
The gentlemen who rented the room would sometimes take their
evening meal at home in the living room that was used by everyone, and so the
door to this room was often kept closed in the evening. But Gregor found it
easy to give up having the door open, he had, after all, often failed to make
use of it when it was open and, without the family having noticed it, lain in
his room in its darkest corner. One time, though, the charwoman left the door
to the living room slightly open, and it remained open when the gentlemen who
rented the room came in in the evening and the light was put on. They sat up at
the table where, formerly, Gregor had taken his meals with his father and
mother, they unfolded the serviettes and picked up their knives and forks.
Gregor's mother immediately appeared in the doorway with a dish of meat and
soon behind her came his sister with a dish piled high with potatoes. The food
was steaming, and filled the room with its smell. The gentlemen bent over the
dishes set in front of them as if they wanted to test the food before eating
it, and the gentleman in the middle, who seemed to count as an authority for
the other two, did indeed cut off a piece of meat while it was still in its
dish, clearly wishing to establish whether it was sufficiently cooked or
whether it should be sent back to the kitchen. It was to his satisfaction, and
Gregor's mother and sister, who had been looking on anxiously, began to breathe
again and smiled.
The family themselves ate in the kitchen. Nonetheless, Gregor's
father came into the living room before he went into the kitchen, bowed once
with his cap in his hand and did his round of the table. The gentlemen stood as
one, and mumbled something into their beards. Then, once they were alone, they
ate in near perfect silence. It seemed remarkable to Gregor that above all the
various noises of eating their chewing teeth could still be heard, as if they
had wanted to show Gregor that you need teeth in order to eat and it was not
possible to perform anything with jaws that are toothless however nice they
might be. "I'd like to eat something", said Gregor anxiously,
"but not anything like they're eating. They do feed themselves. And here I
am, dying!"
Throughout all this time, Gregor could not remember having heard
the violin being played, but this evening it began to be heard from the
kitchen. The three gentlemen had already finished their meal, the one in the
middle had produced a newspaper, given a page to each of the others, and now
they leant back in their chairs reading them and smoking. When the violin began
playing they became attentive, stood up and went on tip-toe over to the door of
the hallway where they stood pressed against each other. Someone must have
heard them in the kitchen, as Gregor's father called out: "Is the playing
perhaps unpleasant for the gentlemen? We can stop it straight away."
"On the contrary", said the middle gentleman, "would the young
lady not like to come in and play for us here in the room, where it is, after
all, much more cosy and comfortable?" "Oh yes, we'd love to",
called back Gregor's father as if he had been the violin player himself. The
gentlemen stepped back into the room and waited. Gregor's father soon appeared
with the music stand, his mother with the music and his sister with the violin.
She calmly prepared everything for her to begin playing; his parents, who had
never rented a room out before and therefore showed an exaggerated courtesy
towards the three gentlemen, did not even dare to sit on their own chairs; his
father leant against the door with his right hand pushed in between two buttons
on his uniform coat; his mother, though, was offered a seat by one of the
gentlemen and sat - leaving the chair where the gentleman happened to have
placed it - out of the way in a corner.
His sister began to play; father and mother paid close attention,
one on each side, to the movements of her hands. Drawn in by the playing,
Gregor had dared to come forward a little and already had his head in the
living room. Before, he had taken great pride in how considerate he was but now
it hardly occurred to him that he had become so thoughtless about the others.
What's more, there was now all the more reason to keep himself hidden as he was
covered in the dust that lay everywhere in his room and flew up at the
slightest movement; he carried threads, hairs, and remains of food about on his
back and sides; he was much too indifferent to everything now to lay on his
back and wipe himself on the carpet like he had used to do several times a day.
And despite this condition, he was not too shy to move forward a little onto
the immaculate floor of the living room.
No-one noticed him, though. The family was totally preoccupied
with the violin playing; at first, the three gentlemen had put their hands in
their pockets and come up far too close behind the music stand to look at all
the notes being played, and they must have disturbed Gregor's sister, but soon,
in contrast with the family, they withdrew back to the window with their heads
sunk and talking to each other at half volume, and they stayed by the window
while Gregor's father observed them anxiously. It really now seemed very
obvious that they had expected to hear some beautiful or entertaining violin
playing but had been disappointed, that they had had enough of the whole
performance and it was only now out of politeness that they allowed their peace
to be disturbed. It was especially unnerving, the way they all blew the smoke
from their cigarettes upwards from their mouth and noses. Yet Gregor's sister
was playing so beautifully. Her face was leant to one side, following the lines
of music with a careful and melancholy expression. Gregor crawled a little
further forward, keeping his head close to the ground so that he could meet her
eyes if the chance came. Was he an animal if music could captivate him so? It
seemed to him that he was being shown the way to the unknown nourishment he had
been yearning for. He was determined to make his way forward to his sister and
tug at her skirt to show her she might come into his room with her violin, as
no-one appreciated her playing here as much as he would. He never wanted to let
her out of his room, not while he lived, anyway; his shocking appearance
should, for once, be of some use to him; he wanted to be at every door of his
room at once to hiss and spit at the attackers; his sister should not be forced
to stay with him, though, but stay of her own free will; she would sit beside
him on the couch with her ear bent down to him while he told her how he had
always intended to send her to the conservatory, how he would have told
everyone about it last Christmas - had Christmas really come and gone already?
- if this misfortune hadn't got in the way, and refuse to let anyone dissuade
him from it. On hearing all this, his sister would break out in tears of
emotion, and Gregor would climb up to her shoulder and kiss her neck, which,
since she had been going out to work, she had kept free without any necklace or
collar.
"Mr. Samsa!", shouted the middle gentleman to Gregor's
father, pointing, without wasting any more words, with his forefinger at Gregor
as he slowly moved forward. The violin went silent, the middle of the three
gentlemen first smiled at his two friends, shaking his head, and then looked
back at Gregor. His father seemed to think it more important to calm the three
gentlemen before driving Gregor out, even though they were not at all upset and
seemed to think Gregor was more entertaining than the violin playing had been.
He rushed up to them with his arms spread out and attempted to drive them back
into their room at the same time as trying to block their view of Gregor with
his body. Now they did become a little annoyed, and it was not clear whether it
was his father's behaviour that annoyed them or the dawning realisation that
they had had a neighbour like Gregor in the next room without knowing it. They
asked Gregor's father for explanations, raised their arms like he had, tugged
excitedly at their beards and moved back towards their room only very slowly.
Meanwhile Gregor's sister had overcome the despair she had fallen into when her
playing was suddenly interrupted. She had let her hands drop and let violin and
bow hang limply for a while but continued to look at the music as if still
playing, but then she suddenly pulled herself together, lay the instrument on
her mother's lap who still sat laboriously struggling for breath where she was,
and ran into the next room which, under pressure from her father, the three
gentlemen were more quickly moving toward. Under his sister's experienced hand,
the pillows and covers on the beds flew up and were put into order and she had
already finished making the beds and slipped out again before the three
gentlemen had reached the room. Gregor's father seemed so obsessed with what he
was doing that he forgot all the respect he owed to his tenants. He urged them
and pressed them until, when he was already at the door of the room, the middle
of the three gentlemen shouted like thunder and stamped his foot and thereby
brought Gregor's father to a halt. "I declare here and now", he said,
raising his hand and glancing at Gregor's mother and sister to gain their
attention too, "that with regard to the repugnant conditions that prevail
in this flat and with this family" - here he looked briefly but decisively
at the floor - "I give immediate notice on my room. For the days that I
have been living here I will, of course, pay nothing at all, on the contrary I
will consider whether to proceed with some kind of action for damages from you,
and believe me it would be very easy to set out the grounds for such an
action." He was silent and looked straight ahead as if waiting for
something. And indeed, his two friends joined in with the words: "And we
also give immediate notice." With that, he took hold of the door handle and
slammed the door.
Gregor's father staggered back to his seat, feeling his way with
his hands, and fell into it; it looked as if he was stretching himself out for
his usual evening nap but from the uncontrolled way his head kept nodding it
could be seen that he was not sleeping at all. Throughout all this, Gregor had
lain still where the three gentlemen had first seen him. His disappointment at
the failure of his plan, and perhaps also because he was weak from hunger, made
it impossible for him to move. He was sure that everyone would turn on him any
moment, and he waited. He was not even startled out of this state when the
violin on his mother's lap fell from her trembling fingers and landed loudly on
the floor.
"Father, Mother", said his sister, hitting the table
with her hand as introduction, "we can't carry on like this. Maybe you
can't see it, but I can. I don't want to call this monster my brother, all I
can say is: we have to try and get rid of it. We've done all that's humanly
possible to look after it and be patient, I don't think anyone could accuse us
of doing anything wrong."
"She's absolutely right", said Gregor's father to
himself. His mother, who still had not had time to catch her breath, began to
cough dully, her hand held out in front of her and a deranged expression in her
eyes.
Gregor's sister rushed to his mother and put her hand on her
forehead. Her words seemed to give Gregor's father some more definite ideas. He
sat upright, played with his uniform cap between the plates left by the three
gentlemen after their meal, and occasionally looked down at Gregor as he lay
there immobile.
"We have to try and get rid of it", said Gregor's
sister, now speaking only to her father, as her mother was too occupied with
coughing to listen, "it'll be the death of both of you, I can see it
coming. We can't all work as hard as we have to and then come home to be
tortured like this, we can't endure it. I can't endure it any more." And
she broke out so heavily in tears that they flowed down the face of her mother,
and she wiped them away with mechanical hand movements.
"My child", said her father with sympathy and obvious
understanding, "what are we to do?"
His sister just shrugged her shoulders as a sign of the
helplessness and tears that had taken hold of her, displacing her earlier
certainty.
"If he could just understand us", said his father almost
as a question; his sister shook her hand vigorously through her tears as a sign
that of that there was no question.
"If he could just understand us", repeated Gregor's
father, closing his eyes in acceptance of his sister's certainty that that was
quite impossible, "then perhaps we could come to some kind of arrangement
with him. But as it is ..."
"It's got to go", shouted his sister, "that's the
only way, Father. You've got to get rid of the idea that that's Gregor. We've
only harmed ourselves by believing it for so long. How can that be Gregor? If
it were Gregor he would have seen long ago that it's not possible for human
beings to live with an animal like that and he would have gone of his own free
will. We wouldn't have a brother any more, then, but we could carry on with our
lives and remember him with respect. As it is this animal is persecuting us,
it's driven out our tenants, it obviously wants to take over the whole flat and
force us to sleep on the streets. Father, look, just look", she suddenly
screamed, "he's starting again!" In her alarm, which was totally
beyond Gregor's comprehension, his sister even abandoned his mother as she
pushed herself vigorously out of her chair as if more willing to sacrifice her
own mother than stay anywhere near Gregor. She rushed over to behind her
father, who had become excited merely because she was and stood up half raising
his hands in front of Gregor's sister as if to protect her.
But Gregor had had no intention of frightening anyone, least of
all his sister. All he had done was begin to turn round so that he could go
back into his room, although that was in itself quite startling as his
pain-wracked condition meant that turning round required a great deal of effort
and he was using his head to help himself do it, repeatedly raising it and
striking it against the floor. He stopped and looked round. They seemed to have
realised his good intention and had only been alarmed briefly. Now they all
looked at him in unhappy silence. His mother lay in her chair with her legs
stretched out and pressed against each other, her eyes nearly closed with
exhaustion; his sister sat next to his father with her arms around his neck.
"Maybe now they'll let me turn round", thought Gregor
and went back to work. He could not help panting loudly with the effort and had
sometimes to stop and take a rest. No-one was making him rush any more,
everything was left up to him. As soon as he had finally finished turning round
he began to move straight ahead. He was amazed at the great distance that
separated him from his room, and could not understand how he had covered that
distance in his weak state a little while before and almost without noticing
it. He concentrated on crawling as fast as he could and hardly noticed that
there was not a word, not any cry, from his family to distract him. He did not
turn his head until he had reached the doorway. He did not turn it all the way
round as he felt his neck becoming stiff, but it was nonetheless enough to see
that nothing behind him had changed, only his sister had stood up. With his
last glance he saw that his mother had now fallen completely asleep.
He was hardly inside his room before the door was hurriedly shut,
bolted and locked. The sudden noise behind Gregor so startled him that his
little legs collapsed under him. It was his sister who had been in so much of a
rush. She had been standing there waiting and sprung forward lightly, Gregor
had not heard her coming at all, and as she turned the key in the lock she said
loudly to her parents "At last!".
"What now, then?", Gregor asked himself as he looked
round in the darkness. He soon made the discovery that he could no longer move
at all. This was no surprise to him, it seemed rather that being able to
actually move around on those spindly little legs until then was unnatural. He
also felt relatively comfortable. It is true that his entire body was aching,
but the pain seemed to be slowly getting weaker and weaker and would finally
disappear altogether. He could already hardly feel the decayed apple in his
back or the inflamed area around it, which was entirely covered in white dust.
He thought back of his family with emotion and love. If it was possible, he
felt that he must go away even more strongly than his sister. He remained in
this state of empty and peaceful rumination until he heard the clock tower
strike three in the morning. He watched as it slowly began to get light
everywhere outside the window too. Then, without his willing it, his head sank
down completely, and his last breath flowed weakly from his nostrils.
When the cleaner came in early in the morning - they'd often asked
her not to keep slamming the doors but with her strength and in her hurry she
still did, so that everyone in the flat knew when she'd arrived and from then
on it was impossible to sleep in peace - she made her usual brief look in on
Gregor and at first found nothing special. She thought he was laying there so
still on purpose, playing the martyr; she attributed all possible understanding
to him. She happened to be holding the long broom in her hand, so she tried to
tickle Gregor with it from the doorway. When she had no success with that she
tried to make a nuisance of herself and poked at him a little, and only when
she found she could shove him across the floor with no resistance at all did
she start to pay attention. She soon realised what had really happened, opened
her eyes wide, whistled to herself, but did not waste time to yank open the
bedroom doors and shout loudly into the darkness of the bedrooms: "Come
and 'ave a look at this, it's dead, just lying there, stone dead!"
Mr. and Mrs. Samsa sat upright there in their marriage bed and had
to make an effort to get over the shock caused by the cleaner before they could
grasp what she was saying. But then, each from his own side, they hurried out
of bed. Mr. Samsa threw the blanket over his shoulders, Mrs. Samsa just came
out in her nightdress; and that is how they went into Gregor's room. On the way
they opened the door to the living room where Grete had been sleeping since the
three gentlemen had moved in; she was fully dressed as if she had never been
asleep, and the paleness of her face seemed to confirm this. "Dead?",
asked Mrs. Samsa, looking at the charwoman enquiringly, even though she could
have checked for herself and could have known it even without checking.
"That's what I said", replied the cleaner, and to prove it she gave
Gregor's body another shove with the broom, sending it sideways across the
floor. Mrs. Samsa made a movement as if she wanted to hold back the broom, but
did not complete it. "Now then", said Mr. Samsa, "let's give
thanks to God for that". He crossed himself, and the three women followed
his example. Grete, who had not taken her eyes from the corpse, said:
"Just look how thin he was. He didn't eat anything for so long. The food
came out again just the same as when it went in". Gregor's body was indeed
completely dried up and flat, they had not seen it until then, but now he was
not lifted up on his little legs, nor did he do anything to make them look
away.
"Grete, come with us in here for a little while", said
Mrs. Samsa with a pained smile, and Grete followed her parents into the bedroom
but not without looking back at the body. The cleaner shut the door and opened
the window wide. Although it was still early in the morning the fresh air had
something of warmth mixed in with it. It was already the end of March, after
all.
The three gentlemen stepped out of their room and looked round in
amazement for their breakfasts; they had been forgotten about. "Where is
our breakfast?", the middle gentleman asked the cleaner irritably. She
just put her finger on her lips and made a quick and silent sign to the men
that they might like to come into Gregor's room. They did so, and stood around
Gregor's corpse with their hands in the pockets of their well-worn coats. It
was now quite light in the room.
Then the door of the bedroom opened and Mr. Samsa appeared in his
uniform with his wife on one arm and his daughter on the other. All of them had
been crying a little; Grete now and then pressed her face against her father's
arm.
"Leave my home. Now!", said Mr. Samsa, indicating the
door and without letting the women from him. "What do you mean?",
asked the middle of the three gentlemen somewhat disconcerted, and he smiled
sweetly. The other two held their hands behind their backs and continually
rubbed them together in gleeful anticipation of a loud quarrel which could only
end in their favour. "I mean just what I said", answered Mr. Samsa,
and, with his two companions, went in a straight line towards the man. At
first, he stood there still, looking at the ground as if the contents of his
head were rearranging themselves into new positions. "Alright, we'll go
then", he said, and looked up at Mr. Samsa as if he had been suddenly
overcome with humility and wanted permission again from Mr. Samsa for his decision.
Mr. Samsa merely opened his eyes wide and briefly nodded to him several times.
At that, and without delay, the man actually did take long strides into the
front hallway; his two friends had stopped rubbing their hands some time before
and had been listening to what was being said. Now they jumped off after their
friend as if taken with a sudden fear that Mr. Samsa might go into the hallway
in front of them and break the connection with their leader. Once there, all
three took their hats from the stand, took their sticks from the holder, bowed
without a word and left the premises. Mr. Samsa and the two women followed them
out onto the landing; but they had had no reason to mistrust the men's
intentions and as they leaned over the landing they saw how the three gentlemen
made slow but steady progress down the many steps. As they turned the corner on
each floor they disappeared and would reappear a few moments later; the further
down they went, the more that the Samsa family lost interest in them; when a
butcher's boy, proud of posture with his tray on his head, passed them on his
way up and came nearer than they were, Mr. Samsa and the women came away from
the landing and went, as if relieved, back into the flat.
They decided the best way to make use of that day was for
relaxation and to go for a walk; not only had they earned a break from work but
they were in serious need of it. So they sat at the table and wrote three
letters of excusal, Mr. Samsa to his employers, Mrs. Samsa to her contractor
and Grete to her principal. The cleaner came in while they were writing to tell
them she was going, she'd finished her work for that morning. The three of them
at first just nodded without looking up from what they were writing, and it was
only when the cleaner still did not seem to want to leave that they looked up
in irritation. "Well?", asked Mr. Samsa. The charwoman stood in the
doorway with a smile on her face as if she had some tremendous good news to
report, but would only do it if she was clearly asked to. The almost vertical
little ostrich feather on her hat, which had been a source of irritation to Mr.
Samsa all the time she had been working for them, swayed gently in all
directions. "What is it you want then?", asked Mrs. Samsa, whom the
cleaner had the most respect for. "Yes", she answered, and broke into
a friendly laugh that made her unable to speak straight away, "well then,
that thing in there, you needn't worry about how you're going to get rid of it.
That's all been sorted out." Mrs. Samsa and Grete bent down over their
letters as if intent on continuing with what they were writing; Mr. Samsa saw
that the cleaner wanted to start describing everything in detail but, with
outstretched hand, he made it quite clear that she was not to. So, as she was prevented
from telling them all about it, she suddenly remembered what a hurry she was in
and, clearly peeved, called out "Cheerio then, everyone", turned
round sharply and left, slamming the door terribly as she went.
"Tonight she gets sacked", said Mr. Samsa, but he
received no reply from either his wife or his daughter as the charwoman seemed
to have destroyed the peace they had only just gained. They got up and went
over to the window where they remained with their arms around each other. Mr.
Samsa twisted round in his chair to look at them and sat there watching for a
while. Then he called out: "Come here, then. Let's forget about all that
old stuff, shall we. Come and give me a bit of attention". The two women
immediately did as he said, hurrying over to him where they kissed him and
hugged him and then they quickly finished their letters.
After that, the three of them left the flat together, which was
something they had not done for months, and took the tram out to the open
country outside the town. They had the tram, filled with warm sunshine, all to
themselves. Leant back comfortably on their seats, they discussed their
prospects and found that on closer examination they were not at all bad - until
then they had never asked each other about their work but all three had jobs
which were very good and held particularly good promise for the future. The
greatest improvement for the time being, of course, would be achieved quite
easily by moving house; what they needed now was a flat that was smaller and
cheaper than the current one which had been chosen by Gregor, one that was in a
better location and, most of all, more practical. All the time, Grete was
becoming livelier. With all the worry they had been having of late her cheeks
had become pale, but, while they were talking, Mr. and Mrs. Samsa were struck,
almost simultaneously, with the thought of how their daughter was blossoming
into a well built and beautiful young lady. They became quieter. Just from each
other's glance and almost without knowing it they agreed that it would soon be
time to find a good man for her. And, as if in confirmation of their new dreams
and good intentions, as soon as they reached their destination Grete was the
first to get up and stretch out her young body.
The End
Translated by David Wyllie
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Patti Friday, Photojourno, reporting from inside 'The Art Dept.' at the international 'Embassy of Ideas'. Reading. Listening. Learning. Improving. Hanging out with successful people. Photographer. Pirate. Bubby. CANADA @pattifriday
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